The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
