a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
