took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
