I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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