I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
