But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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