the condom got lost in my hair
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
