Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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