Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
