TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
birth control should be required to get into college
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize