i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
