Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
