He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
