He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
