Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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