doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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