i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
