check it out our google latitudes are spooning
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
