Im at strip club and am horny
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
