So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
