i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize