im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you would pick up someone in the library
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
