just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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