Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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