just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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