come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I enjoy the company of your penis
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
