That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
