Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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