The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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