my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
