told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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