You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
