no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize