worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
