Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
