They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
