i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
