Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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