WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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