i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
