Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
