Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
