The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
