if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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