Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
