I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
