I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
