I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
