who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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