wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
