please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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