All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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