My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
