You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
