Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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