I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My vagina just clenched in fear
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
