my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
