So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
