I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
