"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
