My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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