do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize