I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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