I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
