I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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