I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
